As matchmakers, our advice is simple to avoid dating ‘burnout’.
Theories of dating as are as old history itself, and sometimes it seems like a full time job, looking for a quality spouse. No matter how or where we do it, key thing to note that it should not be a daunting and discouraging exercise. It may seem like trial and error, but errors leaves us with heart aches and scars that don’t completely heal. The advancement of technology has led to many available alternatives of finding a date, however they can lead to mental fatigue with all the decisions one has to make.
As matchmakers, our advice is simple to avoid dating ‘burnout’.
- Be very clear about what you want, this may seem like a cliché but it’s a very important dating factor. Infact even when working with a matchmaker, this is where we begin the journey. In life, when you want to buy a car, house, sofa etc you do research to know what you want and where to get it. Apply the same principle when it comes to identifying what you want in a life partner, you must know what you want in a relationship and subsequently in a partner even as you date. This will help you cross out people who don’t fit and will not have to go on numerous dates before knowing that’s not what you want.
- Remember no one is perfect, you will never get a perfect partner. When a client comes to us with a list we call “grocery list”, we eventually settle for key values and qualities the partner should have. You cannot hold out for a perfect partner, then you may as well give up dating. This does not mean you set low standards, it means have common values and interests, that’s a good place to start from.
- Go on a date with a person who has traits you are looking for in a partner, we are not ruling out blind dates the friends set you up with, but no matter how you meet them making sure there is something about them you can identify with. If this information can be available be hand the better, if not find the first date will help you know if there is potential for a second date. When you use a matchmaker, they make sure you share interests and values, so you already are compatible as you meet.
- Be where there are potential dates, in reality the ideal partner will not fall on your laps, rarely will you meet someone by staying at home. Also if you go to places that don’t interest you then you will meet people who don’t interest you. For example if you want someone who loves outdoors, hikes, athletic etc. then you need to be where those activities happen. In short, frequent places and groups that are more aligned with your interests.
It’s true dating can be discouraging, and at times it's a numbers game, so not every date will lead to a second date. Sometimes you may need to step back, learn few lessons and move on. When a matchmaker sets you on a date, they get feedback about the date, so they can use it to match you better. Dr. Bea says “Spend more time enjoying the dating experience-not finding love”.,